Ode to Brad

Yesterday marked the second anniversary of Brad's passing. It seems my subconscious recognized this, as I was overwhelmed by depression. I felt the urge to express myself, and this short poem fulfills that need.

As grief strangles my breath and happiness,

I still hold on to it to fill the void and emptiness.

I wonder if vivid memories are a blessing or a curse

My biggest fear is if I let this grief go, you will disappear.

I imagine your smell and your bark,

Trying to bring the idea of you back to life

The little antics and your playful side

Help let some of the pain glide

I constantly make attempts to conjure up your soul essence,

But it still doesn’t equate to your physical presence

Nothing equates to your hug and your touch

Wish looking at your photographs didn’t hurt this much.

I know death is different from your view;

Hopefully one day I can fully embrace that idea too

Recollect only the happy moments, you said,

And journal it to my heart’s content. Many a page my pen has filled,

Yet my desire to recreate happiness remains unfulfilled.

Every anniversary brings a different kind of pain

As though my plans to move on are in vain.

You send me signs and send me gifts,

And Bodhi definitely makes my heart lift.

I am eternally grateful to you for sending him to us

He definitely stops me from being a gloomy gus

But your presence was also an important gift

When I think about that with gratitude, emotions shapeshift.

Soul is forever, and so is our bond.

So sometimes I imagine you are just across a small pond.

So near and yet so far

Is it only my mind that is keeping us apart?

Send me a sign to say you are okay

That will make my skies a little less grey.

Love you, Brad, today and every single day.

Show me your presence more often , okay ?