
My husband and I are quite different individuals. We express love in different ways, which has often gotten him into trouble over the years :-P. Once, a friend lent us her copy of "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, hoping it would help my husband. The book discusses how people give and receive love differently, and understanding this can improve relationships.
For example, imagine you think the only way to show love is by saying "I love you" repeatedly. Meanwhile, your partner believes that spending quality time together is the way to express love, and neither of you knows how the other prefers to receive love. In this situation, you are both speaking different Love Languages and may not recognize when the other is expressing affection. I think of this concept whenever I hear someone say, "My pet doesn't love me." In my view, cats are often misunderstood when it comes to showing affection. Like humans, being touchy or cuddly isn't the only way pets express love. Here is my humble attempt to explain this concept from the perspective of our relationship with our pets.
We all use a mix of the five love languages but typically have one dominant one. It could be an enjoyable and insightful exercise to understand our pets' dominant Love Language.
Words /Purrs/ Wags of Affirmation
We are accustomed to Words of Affirmation in human interactions. We enjoy it when people express how much they miss, love, or value us. Many of us frequently use Words of Affirmation with our pets. They might be responding telepathically, and we could be overlooking it. Our cats purr to show their happiness from being with us, while dogs make soft whimpers and wag their tails to express their love. Sometimes, they simply give us a look that says we mean the world to them. We feel all warm and fuzzy when they do any of these things. This is the most common way of expressing love. Therefore, you might be at a disadvantage if this isn't your primary love language (Case Study: Husband). Do your pets often purr or wag their tails around you? How frequently do you tell them you love them?
Quality time
Who doesn't enjoy quality time with loved ones? However, if you're a cat that prefers napping atop the wardrobe, this might not be your favorite way to show affection. We cherish when our pets linger in the kitchen while we cook, rest in the study as we work from home, or join us in watching the US Open, cheering "Vamos Rafa" at midnight (poor Brad). Your dog might love accompanying you to coffee shops, on hikes, and for long walks. Yet, some pets with anxiety might prefer the comfort of home and their own space. Notice how in all these examples, the human chooses the activity, and the pet tags along for company. Have there been times when you engaged in an activity just to spend time with your pet? Like sitting by the window next to your cat or relaxing in the yard because your dog wanted to bask under the moonlight a little longer (I enjoyed it too)? Every time Brad spots a lizard on the wall, he calls my husband, expecting him to tap the wall with a stick to make the lizard move :-D. This is our post-dinner ritual (feel free to have a good laugh :-D). Does your pet enjoy quality time with you, and how do they show it?
Acts of services
In the realm of Pet Parenthood, this is something that comes naturally to us. We all go out of our way to care for them in various ways. I know of cats that wake their owners at 5 AM demanding food, and our dog Brad has trained us to become 4 AM people to walk him early in the summer. In my view, this is the most common way our pets express their affection for us. While they aren't folding laundry to make our lives easier, they take on vital roles such as helping us relieve anxiety by letting us pet them or comforting us by staying close when we're physically or mentally down, entertaining us with their antics, or even training their pet siblings. Unfortunately, in most cases, humans aren't even aware that their pet is performing a task for them. For instance, the cat perched atop the wardrobe might be ensuring everything is in order in the house. This is one of the areas where Animal Communication proves helpful. Based on your observations, what is your pet's main role? What acts of service do you perform for your pets (I bet this is a long list).
Gifts
Although our pets can't give us physical gifts, except perhaps the occasional dead bird or rat a cat might bring, they certainly fulfill the emotional aspect of gift-giving. This is somewhat akin to acts of service when it comes to pets. We assess gifts based on the thoughtfulness or value behind them. Pets do considerate things like staying close to a baby and watching over them, distracting us from daily life issues, shortening walks when we're unwell, or a cat staying indoors while we're away. As a child, I frequently had asthma attacks. I still recall how our dog, Brownie, stayed by my side throughout. Whenever I woke up, he would tug on my mom's sari, prompting her to rush over to check on me. He even saved us from a fire once (but that's a story for another time). These were the gifts he gave us. Can you recall something thoughtful your pet did recently? Or a particularly thoughtful gift you gave your pet?
Physical Touch
Physical intimacy is likely as important as Words of Affirmation. We enjoy cuddling our pets and appreciate it when they nuzzle us or give us a kiss. However, not all pets show affection in this manner, and that's perfectly fine. Some pets dislike body heat and prefer not to be smothered, while others adore it. That little lick when you're crying or staying on your lap when you're upset are additional ways they express love through physical touch. Does your pet enjoy snuggles? Do you like to cuddle or kiss them?
We are eager to learn about the mix of Love Languages your pet displays. Each pet expresses love uniquely. Some do so in quiet, subtle ways, while others constantly show their enthusiasm and affection. If your pet isn't fond of wagging, purring, or physical touch, consider the roles they fulfill for you. Can you show your love in their primary language?
“Expressing love in the right language. We tend to speak our own love language, to express love to others in a language that would make us feel loved. But if it is not his/her primary love language, it will not mean to them what it would mean to us"- Gary Chapman
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